Personal Identity
Your personal identity consists of the distinguishing traits, values, beliefs, and sense of self that are relatively constant across time and situations. A person with a strong identity has a sense of clarity and awareness of these qualities, a sense of self. He/she develops a comfort with their identity, strengths and weaknesses, and recognizes their unique individuality.
Identity is built over time and, although it never stops evolving, most people have established a fairly stable identity in late adolescence or early adulthood. Developmental psychologist Eric Erickson coined the term “identity crisis” to describe the phase we all go through in which we grapple with important questions about career, sexuality, morality, relationships, and where we fit in….or don’t fit in. Our personal identity is forged in the interaction between our unique formative experiences and our biological and psychological predispositions: nature AND nurture.
People growing up in a wealthy family often enjoy great benefits but have some unique issues to resolve when establishing a personal identity. One of the major identity issues with which many struggle has to do with career. Developing internal motivation and aspirations for meaningful work can be complicated if one’s financial situation is such that he/she will never have to “work for money.” While it sounds like a nice problem to have, it can also stymie the development of personal drive or a sense of purpose.
Among other issues around career, if there is a family business, each child must decide if he/she will participate. If so, what role and how to participate outside of the founder’s shadow? If not, will the alternative choice be considered just as worthy? Will a desire to do something outside of the family business be seen as a rejection of the founder or the family values?
Relationships, both romantic and platonic, are another realm in which unique challenges are presented to adolescents and young adults from wealthy families. They may be different than many friends in what they can afford to do, eat, wear, and drive. That doesn’t go unnoticed by others, and even as a child they may sense the envy, jealousy and contempt that some people feel toward the wealthy. It drives some heirs to conceal their financial heritage or to try to avoid allowing money to be any part of their identity.
Much of our identity is formed by comparison to and feedback from others. This natural process can be corrupted if we secretly wonder whether our friends or romantic partners are with us not for “who I am” but for “what I have.” Instead of feeling envy or contempt for members of wealthy families, some people will seek to ingratiate themselves, curry favor or otherwise be less than honest and transparent in their relationships with wealthy people. Concern over the motives of others can interfere with developing the foundation of trust necessary for healthy relationships and identity formation.
If any of these issues sound familiar, an empathic sounding board may be useful. I offer coaching for beneficiaries and inheritors to help them make a healthy integration of wealth into their personal identity. This often involves exploring and accepting obscured parts of the self, discovering and developing one’s genuine passions, and assuming responsibility for how your life unfolds.